A few months ago, I wrote about an elephant dwelling in the back of our church sanctuaries. That post was about the prevalence of “porn” in the American church, and it included a short lament regarding our tendency to keep it a dirty little secret rather than shedding the gospel light on it. I called porn an elephant because when an elephant is in any room it must be at least be acknowledged, even with a passing comment or glance. Yet so many church leaders have taken the ridiculous stance of acting like the “porn elephant” is not seated among their own congregations, when statistics clearly show it is.
The porn elephant is not the only unwelcome beast in our midst that no one is talking about. Apparently, we have given a second elephant residence in our congregations while applying a similar silent treatment towards it. This elephant’s name is “Depression.” While no one is really talking about it almost all are struggling with it. Many take prescription drugs to numb the mood or escape from self for a short drug induced vacation. Many try to tough it out while wallowing in guilt because they know they shouldn’t be feeling this way.
Despondent saints are not a new trend in the church or bible history. Depression and doubt runs a thread through the life of almost every hero of our faith. Contrary to conventional wisdom, fruitfulness in ministry and the power of the Holy Spirit does not make one immune to deep bouts with the disease.
Nearly every publicly powerful leader on our spiritual pedestals has dealt with privately pitiful periods of despair (say that five times fast):
Job was the most righteous man on earth. Yet when all hell broke loose on his life he had some probing questions regarding the purposes of God. In cursing the moment of his birth instead of the birth itself, Job barely skirts what would have been blasphemous and suicidal language (Job 3:1-4).
The prophet Elijah just called down fire from heaven and saw the slaughter of every false prophet of Baal in a mighty display of God’s power and glory. The very next chapter of his life he is in a cave of despair doubting God’s providence and regretting his very existence (1 Kings 19:4, 10).
The prophet Jeremiah was made certain of his calling and election by God Himself (Jeremiah 1:5). After preaching God’s given message, Jeremiah saw no fruit in his ministry and only unrelenting torrents of judgment are poured out on the nation he loves. Jeremiah, broken and depressed, likewise curses the day he was born (Jeremiah 20:14).
Have you ever despaired over your life, even questioning the purpose of your existence? So it was with Job, Elijah, and Jeremiah for a time.
David killed lions, bears, and giants as a scrawny youth through God’s power. He was divinely chosen as Israel’s anointed king, lauded by his countrymen, and slaughtered every pagan army he faced through God’s might. Yet read the Psalms and you will see a man marked by dark bouts of depression during significant spans of his reign (Psalm 42:3, 9, 69:1-3).
Do you feel your tears are your only food and consolation? So it was with David for a time.
CH Spurgeon, the prince of preachers and hero of little reformers everywhere, was susceptible to this grim grip of despondency. In his sermon on the subject, he shares his personal struggles and reminds us to see the hand of God’s sovereignty in the midst of the dark episodes:
This depression comes over me whenever the Lord is preparing a larger blessing for my ministry. The cloud is black before it breaks and overshadows before it yields its deluge of mercy.
Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing, a John the Baptist heralding the nearer coming of my Lord’s richer benison. So have far better men found it. The scouring of the vessel has fitted it for the Master’s use.
Immersion in suffering has preceded the filling of the Holy Ghost. Fasting gives an appetite for the banquet. The Lord is revealed in the backside of the desert, while His servant keeps the sheep and waits in solitary awe.
The wilderness is the way to Canaan. The low valley leads to the towering mountain. Defeat prepares for victory.
You’re not alone. Most people in the church just don’t have the cajones to admit their weak estate. But with admitting should not come a wallowing, but rather a warring against such strongholds in us (2 Corinthians 10:5).
We should never use our fallenness as a convenient crutch or consolation.
Self pity and self-despair are just symptoms of self worship. We are not depressed because we hate ourselves so much; we are depressed because we love ourselves so much. It is natural to be fixated on self, that is why we need to ask God to supernaturally aid us in fixing our eyes on Christ (Eph 1:18). Christ is the end of self-worship for everyone who takes up their cross and follows Him (Matthew 16:24-25).
Depression, doubt and despair are not the unforgivable sins. Our current mental/emotional/spiritual state is not beyond the scope of God’s eternal grace. Chemical imbalances, genetic dispositions, difficult circumstances, and scarred childhoods are no match against the love of Christ and His Comforter being shed abroad in our hearts (Romans 5:5).
All of our bouts with depression this side of eternity are temporal bouts. We can take heart, for no current state of depression is ultimate. Surely, there is a despair that is ultimate. Eternally ultimate. But those who are in Christ will never taste it. The Son of God bore the eternal despair we deserved on the cross. In Him, we will never ever have to utter these words: “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
We may lament, mourn, and be depressed this very moment. But we can say with David, our fellow despondent doubter, in the very next breath:
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
(Psalm 42:11)
Bryan
I am so glad you wrote about depression as a Christian–let’s keep it real and not let pride (too much self-love) separate us